the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
