Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
