he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
