If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
