i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
