Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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