dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
