lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
