I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Barsexuality is the new black.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
