two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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