Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
