The maid of honor just puked.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
