he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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