i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
