i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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