Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
