First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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