Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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