Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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