so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
