im six kinds of drunk right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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