Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
