Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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