is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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