He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
