The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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