Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
