I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
