I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
