i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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