You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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