i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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