I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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