I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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