the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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