that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
