oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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