remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
