It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i will never coherently bang her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
