Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You made out with two different species that night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
