You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
