The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
