I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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