she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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