The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
