I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
