i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
