so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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