so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
