Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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