Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The power of my boobs compel you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
