Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
