I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
