you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
