if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
