just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize