I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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