How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize