He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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