I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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