Whod you bang
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
