I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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