Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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